


Aunt Cass makes history

by SupahHiro



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3815491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupahHiro/pseuds/SupahHiro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She probably should have picked up a book on parenting</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aunt Cass makes history

The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the morning dew had not yet vanished from the leaves on he trees outside. Cass knew today was going be a perfect day, for, after all, she was in it. Today, she was going to make history.

She pounced from her bed, skipped over, and planted a kiss on the life size mural of herself. The only bride worthy of her was herself. She took a step back before swiftly returning to once again lock lips with her beautiful replica.

“Cass, you beautiful motherfucker, today is going to be the best goddamn day ever.” she chirped in a singsong, dancing into the cafe. She was the seven time winner of the Miss Universe Award. She was so beautiful.

In the cafe, she ran into her beloved nephews Hiro and Tadashi with their friends, Matoi Ryuko, Rapunzel, and those two other guys the author doesn’t enough about to write. Hiro and Tadashi were in a passionate embrace, locking lips while the others were taking pictures. How sweet it was that Tadashi was teaching Hiro how to kiss. What a fine young man.

“Hey, gang, what’s up today?” asked Cass. Ryuko was the first to respond.

“I’m taking a break from hunting down my father’s murderer.” she spat.

“Oh.” said Cass.

Hiro and Tadashi opened their eyes and jolted back upon seeing their aunt was there. Cass didn’t understand what there was to be afraid of, they were doing such beautiful brotherly things. Tadashi got up and left to prepare the folgers for his aunt to properly wake up, Anna began taking selfies, Hiro sat up straight and avoided all eye contact. “Nico Nico Nii!” rang Hiro’s phone, drawing disgusted looks towards him, to which he responded “This is it, this is how I usually am.”

“Boo,” exhaled Elsa, “Today seems like it’s going to be an empty day, what do should we d—“ this thought was quickly interrupted by Ryuko shouting “KIRYUIN SATSUKI” and tackling Mrs. Matsuda to the ground. Today was a bad day to wear white.

“Hey!” exclaimed Cass, “I’m not just any aunt, I’m a cool aunt, I have an idea of what to do!” Honey Lemon took a selfie, Hiro continued playing his trash game, and Tadashi returned with his aunt’s coffee. “I’m gonna join a bot fight.”

The cafe was thrown into sheer terror. Rapunzel started screaming her head off, prompting Olaf, her beloved companion, to retreat into her purse. Tadashi lost his grip on the coffee and spilled it all over himself and seared his body. “Hah, you just got burned!” laughed Hiro. Ryuko continued to beat the inappropriately dressed 80 year old.

Tadashi, still wincing in pain, squeaked out “Bot-fighting is illegal,” only to be quickly corrected by Hiro. “Um, swety, botfighting is not illegal. Betting on botfighting— that’s illegal, but so so lucrative! By the way, you can @ me next t—“ Before Hiro could finish his sentence, his aunt started pushing everyone into her car. She was really feeling it.

One long drive later, one that was too boring to write about, the gang finally arrived in the alley. It was finally time for Cass to show the squad what she was made of. She stepped into the ring, holding her robot. “I’m ready, I’m betting twenty dollars that I can beat you.” she laughed into Yama’s face.

The large man glanced at his robot then laughed that really obnoxious villain laugh you see in like literally every movie. “I feel bad for your robot, it’s going to take a beating from little Yama.”

Cass deployed her bot as some really obnoxious guy started screaming about a plan. She was confident she would win, even with no plan.

She lasted 2 seconds before her robot was destroyed.

“Oh no, you _stale bagel_ , I’m going for round two.” she fumed. She snatched Hiro’s robot and dropped it into the ring. Hiro tried to protest, but Anna pulled him back, keeping him safe from the dangerous men in the area. “Thanks Elsa,” Cass smiled, “I can always count on you!”

Cass cracked her knuckles. “I’m betting 700 million dollars I can win.” she boasted. The whole area broke into screaming hysteria. Tadashi threw up. Ryuko continued her assault onto Mrs. Matsuda. What a bad day it was for her to wear white.

Yama accepted the challenge.

He deployed his robot, as per the norm, but something was off this time. For some reason, his robot stopped moving.

Cass smirked. “Next, you’re going to say ‘What?! How did you do that?!’”

Yama’s eyes widened. “What?! How did you do that?!” he roared before gasping at his realization.

“My first robot was never a robot.” Cass explained. “It was a shell, filled to the brim with anti-robot liquid.” Tadashi began to walk over to Aunt Cass to explain how that was impossible but tripped over a pot hole and fell unconscious.

“Megabot, destroy.” she cackled as her nephew’s robot made short work of Little Yama. Sure enough, Megabot twisted off each piece of Little Yama, crushing its limbs and breaking it with its own arm, ending the beating with a bow.

“What?! That’s impossible!” screamed Yama. He surveyed the alley, but everyone averted his eyes. He was ruined.

Yama threw himself at Cass and began to grovel, ugly tears streaming down his face, causing his eyeliner to run. “Please! I’m ruined! I’ll do anything, _anything_ for you to call off the bet!”

Aunt Cass chucked. "You cannot pay back the debt you owe with sweet words! ORA!” She struck a powerful pose and a giant cat materialized behind her. “This is my stand, the Lucky Cat!” she cackled, “Prepare to meet your end!” The giant cat flew at Yama and unleashed a series of swift punches, so fast, they were nearly invisible to the naked eye.

“ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!”

“Oh no, Yama’s blasting off again!” he shrieked as he flew into the sun and exploded.

Hiro’s jaw dropped. “Aunt Cass, how did you do that?!” he beamed. Cass lowered her sleeve, exposing a star on her shoulder. “What you never knew was your mother’s maiden name and my last name.  It's… Kujo.” she explained with a wink.

Hiro paused for a minute. He put his hand to his head then asked “Yeah, okay, but how are you going to get your money now?”

“… F


End file.
